previous // April 24, 2008
// 9:15 a.m. // next
It was overcast. After the previous sunny days, it was a bit of a bummer, considering my mood. Cautiously optimistic is as good as any description, and second guessing myself was definitely something I was doing. I made sure I woke up early so that I would be ready to go when they arrived.
I hadn't told my parents all of the details. Why bother them, especially if things didn't work out? Plus, the last time I did something like this I got lectured for months, and Mom was still quick to remind me of that shortcoming. My anxiety was in full swing that morning.
Finally, it was time to leave and meet my fate. I wore low rise flare leg jeans, a long-sleeve white henley, my favorite sage green baby tee advertising the fictitious Aunt Betty's Coffee Shop ("Grab and Go" right across the chest), and my jean jacket. I put my hair in pig tails and wore my favorite brown shoes I swore went with everything. Makeup was minimal, as I was still figuring it all out (yes, at 23, shut up).
I parked my red Gran Prix SE (miss you, baby!) in the lot across from the movie theatre and stared at the door to the coffee house for a moment. I wore sunglasses even though it was overcast. Once I opened that door, everything was going to change. Was I ready? Did I really want to do this? It would be easy to just get back in the car and go home. No. I would do this. I owed it to him, especially since he was so nice to me when we spoke online. I couldn't be rude. Plus, I wanted to see my friends; it had been months since we last hung out.
I crossed the street and faked confidence approaching the door. I briefly marveled that my knees hadn't turned to Jell-o yet. I opened the door, stepped up inside and instantly spotted the trio at a table in the middle of the room. I took off my sunglasses and put them on my head. My eyes went right to him. He wore a white T-shirt with a dragon on it, jeans, and black sneakers. His hairline was receding, he was about three weeks overdue for a haircut (more or less, memory's fuzzy on that detail, but I do remember the slight wave he gets when it's time for a trim). Neat goatee. I could see bits of chest hair peeking above his collar and wondered why I wasn't mentally cringing. I shot a quick glance to my friends as he stood up to shake my hand. I was no longer nervous or anxious. In fact, I had the fleeting thought that for the first time I was going to be okay. I sat momentarily then got in line to get my usual drink -- a mocha something or other. He paid, which shocked me. Then we sat and chatted while L and I savored our drinks. I offered MB a taste of mine and he tried it. I found out later he hates coffee and did it just to be nice.
We discussed entertainment options and decided to go to the reservation to the bingo place with the automated machines. We took L's step-dad's ancient Crown Vic (which ended up being D's, and might have been at the time, who remembers?). MB and I sat in the back and I was suddenly 15 inside for the duration as he held my hand. I think D took some corners a little sharply so that we'd end up being on top of each other. By the time we got to the res, the sun started to peek out from the clouds. We played for a while, then MB asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I agreed and we ended up going outside. As soon as we were out the door, he scooped me up and brought me to rest on a picnic table, where we shared our first kiss.
Later that night, we hit a local bar, where I bravely had a beer (which I hated at the time) and did my first shot (a wee one that knocked me on my butt). Back in a sitting area in the motel he was staying in, I poured my heart to him, thinking I had nothing to lose. I told him about my fears and insecurities, my dating past, about Mom and her overprotectiveness. I even think I shed a few tears. He reassured me that it would take a lot to scare him off and that he really liked me, that this could work.
The next day we spent just the two of us. It finally rained. He took me to see the second Kill Bill movie. I had a lovely hangover from my wee shot, which he was baffled by. Later that night, the four of us hung out at L's parents' trailer, playing video games and chatting. Finally, it was time for the trio to go back to their respective homes. I had a hard time parting with my new friend, my love. We said good-bye for about two hours. I went to sleep that night torn between excited and missing him.
That was four years ago. Four years ago at this time I was up and ready, anxious for L's call that they were heading to the coffee house. Right now I'm still in jammies, avoiding grading second drafts (which are probably all 100s anyway since they rocked the first draft); MB's at work doing something important I'm sure. He works late tonight since his old job asked him back as a consultant. He'll come home to a wonderful dinner, one I've been planning all week.
I'm getting all misty-eyed writing. The last four years have been a dream. I love who I've become with him. I love that we're a team. Still no rock on my hand (I'll expand on this tomorrow), and really, who needs it? (okay, I do, but let me have my Lifetime/Hallmark moment) I knew the instant I saw him that he'd be the last person I'd ever date. He'll be the only one I marry, start a family with, build a life with. My Luvie, my Sweetie, my Babes, my man. Thank jeebus I found him.
All this time and we're still in love,
Ter
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