previous // August 08, 2003
// 4:28 p.m. // next
I really really really really wish I had something better to write on Fridays than these little pep talks to myself to keep from going absolutely berzerk. I wish I was a working drone like pretty much everyone I meet. I'm tired of being jealous of the person that waits on me at Burger King or the guy that fills up my car at what's probably the only full serve station in a 5 bajillion mile radius. I'm tired of being jealous of the cast of Friends for not only having jobs but playing people that have them (insert Will and Grace, Everybody Loves Raymond, Trading Spaces, While You Were Out, What Not to Wear, and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy for Friends). I'm jealous of whoever reads this, because the way things are going for me I'm sure whoever has a job.
While we were house hunting in Virginia, I was mentally decorating the ones we looked at. Every bedroom I looked in, I imagined where I'd put my bed and my commode and my full mirror. I dreamed about wall colors and throw rugs and candle placement and pillows -- oh, the pillows! And, of course, that led to dreaming about china patterns (I already have one in mind) and inviting my nieces and nephews down to chill out and stay with me, staying up all night watching movies and making cookies and playing Monopoly or Twister or some other game and just having some Good Quality Time with my kids. And that led me to thinking about my own kids that are years and years away just yet, and how many I'd have (4 max, I have to do things in even numbers) and what their names would be and how I'd decorate *their* rooms and such. And it's so not helping that it's Back to School time, pushing the fantasy to me helping them pick out supplies and sending them off for their first day of school.
I'm so getting ahead of myself. Kids need a father, husband to me, and in order to have that I first need a boyfriend. But I'm not even considering dating until I get myself established with an apartment and a job and such. I need to be set with me, content with me, and right now I'm very not.
I'm too in limbo right now. I got a hold of the grad office today, since it's been 3-4 weeks since I appealed my appeal for grad school, and I was told to wait and call next week. More waiting. I hate waiting. I don't like not knowing where I'm going and prolonging this just makes me want to throw things, like shoes or bricks or arrows or something. I'm hoping next time I update I'll have something more uplifting to share.
Hoping for the best,
Thanks for reading,
Ter
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