previous // December 19, 2007
// 10:03 p.m. // next
In light of the season, here are a few (twisted) carols for your amusement. I tried to keep it obvious so the original tune is mostly intact. In case it isn’t obvious, I included which tune it’s supposed to be. Enjoy!
(sing to Silent Night)
Silent night,
What’s that like?
Tenants loud,
Like a crowd.
Their kids run wild
Like animals.
Hope the foundation
Will hold.
Their TV is louder than ours.
Their TV is louder than ours.
* * *
(sing to Oh Christmas Tree)
Oh silly students of mine,
You don’t turn nothing in on time.
(side note: yes, bad grammar; I see the irony)
Do you really think that you will pass
By sitting around on your ass?
I give you every opportunity
To pass this class successfully!
It’s not my fault your GPA is low,
Zeros do add up, don’tcha know?
* * *
(sing to Away in a Manger)
Away from the hill
And MB’s mom is a pain.
She woke me up Sunday
To tell me who won
Survivor, a show
That I don’t really care
To watch every Thursday,
Which is why I’m not there.
Mom C bugs us about
Stupid things all the time.
We know she’s having trouble
Adjusting.
We ‘preciate her concern
But we need our space.
It was overdue for the time
That we got our own place.
* * *
(sing to Frosty the Snowman)
I have succumbed
To the holiday blahs.
This is the first Christmas
Without my folks
Or my sisters and their kids.
The ‘rents are in sunny
Eastern Florida,
Rubbing it in
Every now and then
That it’s 80-plus degrees.
My sisters and I
Have been playing
Much phone tag of late
Trying to arrange a day
That works for all
That we can all meet and grin.
(side note: tacky, I know)
So I’m dealing with this
About as good as I can try.
If I start to think,
Just as quick as a wink,
I do begin to cry.
* * *
(sing to Joy to the World)
Joy to the world,
My shopping’s done!
I went over my budget!
But not by much,
It was just because
I needed one last thing
To put in MB’s stocking.
So I,
So I am now in debt.
(side note: not really; it just fit the pentameter)
* * *
(sing to Deck the Halls)
Deck the halls with barely nothing,
Fa la la la la la la la la!
‘Tis the season to be nutty,
Fa la la la la la la la la!
The mail is screwing up my money,
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Overdrawn and now I’m sulking,
Fa la la la la la la la la!
(side note: got it all straightened out, thank god! No longer overdrawn and switched to direct deposit because apparently my accurate new address the mailman couldn’t find… go figure…)
* * *
(sing to Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!)
Oh the weather outside was frightful,
So we tried to make things delightful.
MB bugged about all the snow,
And he ‘blowed, and he ‘blowed, and he ‘blowed.
(side note: MB bought a snow blower and has been like a little kid with a new toy)
Neither one of us went to work,
Stuck inside because of the storm.
Mother Nature is such a jerk,
Little pay means we’re both so forlorn.
Now the snow isn’t really melting,
And this song I should be belting
From one of my front windows:
Damn you snow! Damn you snow! Damn you snow!
* * *
(sing to Jingle Bells)
Snow storms suck,
I got stuck
At the end of the alley.
Oh, what fun it was not
Digging out my car.
Annoyed with the guy
That stood by
And watched me flip my lid.
He could have helped
Me dig out,
Instead he went inside.
* * *
(sing to We Wish You a Merry Christmas)
I’ve procrastinated grading,
I’ve procrastinated washing,
I’ve procrastinated wrapping,
Now Christmas is here.
I’ll get a reprieve
In another few days.
I just have to hold together
And think cheery thoughts.
My grades are due by Christmas Ev’ning,
My sink is looking so gross,
My presents are few and far between,
Is it summertime yet?
* * *
(sing to The 12 Days of Christmas)
On the twelfth of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Twelve dancing lessons,
Eleven shopping sprees,
Ten Pilates classes,
Nine cinnamon cappuccinos,
Eight weeks vacation,
Seven awesome movies,
Six shots of Captain,
Five great massages,
Four mixing bowls,
Three kitchen appliances,
Two fuzzy kittens,
And the new Linkin Park CD!
(side note: a girl can dream, eh?)
* * *
Since it’s likely that I won’t write before Christmas, hope everyone has a fantastically wonderful and safe holiday!
All the best,
Thanks for reading,
Ter
© 2002-2008
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